GENDER BIAs – unheard; unseen

With all these strides and even stronger voices advocating for more gender inclusion in the workplace, there are still a number of challenges women face. Some are old challenges that seem to persist over time, and others are evolving as the society and workplace contexts evolve.

I would like to us to talk about one of these – the notion that professional women are taken less seriously compared to their male counterparts.

It just does not seem to go away – like a stubborn rash that keeps appearing in all places, let alone itching uncontrollably at the most inconvenient of times…

It can be frustrating when we don’t feel we and/or our work is being taken seriously, especially when we know we are capable of producing excellent results

The fact that this is experienced by women at all levels is mind-boggling, yet very real to those who experience it (even the seasoned C-Suite at times experience this).

Mary Ann Sieghart…, a leading journalist and author, calls this a Gender Authority Gap. She wrote a book about it too…. (The Authority Gap: Why women are still taken less seriously than men, and what we can do about it)

She explains that “however much we claim to believe in equality, we are still, in practice, more reluctant to accord authority to women than to men, even when they are leaders or experts. Every woman has stories to tell about being underestimated, ignored, patronized and generally not taken as seriously as a man.” For her, the authority gap is “the mother of all gender inequalities” as it explains the power (and pay) gap.

This is an incredibly discouraging experience and one that can be hard to move past, especially if light is not constantly shone on it.

It remains an area of curiosity for me, and this article is my way of opening up a conversation to understand the extent to which this is at play as well as the effects it has on women professionals’ career growth.

How do you know though that you are taken less seriously than your male colleagues?

You know when you are being treated as less than, not just by men, but by women too.

You feel it. You sense it. It is like a vibration in your body, an instinctive and intuitive feeling that something isn’t right (you feel it in your gut).

And oh, how we have been well-schooled to produce facts or empirical evidence and not rely on our gut-feel… yet our intuition is the strongest internal GPS there is. Story for another day…

Well, you may not have hard facts at first, but there are some signs you pick up when you are being treated differently than your male colleagues. And the more you know about these signs, the easier it will be to identify when they happen to you.

 Here are some examples:

• You are interrupted more often than your male colleagues during meetings
• You’re not invited to informal gatherings where decisions are made
• Your arguments are ignored or considered less important than those of men with similar points to make
• You are patronized, like being asked to do the “silly girl stuff,” like organizing happy hours and coffee breaks for everyone in the office
• You are underestimated
• You have a tough time getting people to listen to you
• Your ideas are dismissed without consideration
• Your opinion is dismissed because it is different from their own
• You are not asked for your advice until they have already made up their mind and don’t want to be challenged.

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

I have always believed that – in life generally – there are things that you can control and others you cannot. Similarly in the workplace, there are aspects you can control, some you can only influence and many others you have no control over.

For the purpose of this article, I would like us to look at the aspects over which you may have control.

Our thoughts, emotions, and actions are intricately interconnected and shape our experiences in life. Similarly, in this scenario (even though it might feel it is being done to you) the extent to which you experience this and respond to it is a function of how you have processed it (your thoughts and emotions concerning being taken less seriously).

You have control over your own life and that you are in charge of your own destiny – career included. It is referred to as Internal Locus of Control

Let us break it down:

Locus of control is described as the degree to which an individual feels a sense of agency in regard to his or her life. Someone with an internal locus of control will believe that the things that happen to them are greatly influenced by their own abilities, actions, or mistakes. (“Locus of Control | Psychology Today”)

It is important to remember that you do not have control over other people or external events, but only over yourself and your own decisions and actions. With an internal locus of control, you can create positive change in your life and take control of your future.

The starting point in addressing your experience of being taken less seriously is by first looking at yourself – your role and contribution to this. You may have knowingly and unknowingly participated in how you have been treated i.e. not being taken seriously…

Your ‘own goal’ in not being taken seriously could be any or all of the following reasons (plus more…)

1.     You do not take yourself seriously.

2.     You do not take proper care of yourself (appearance creates perceptions; perceptions are reality to the observer)

3.     You use non-committal language, others never know what you mean

4.     You don’t keep good company (you are judged by the company you keep)

5.     Sometimes, it’s not you.

Today we will tackle the first one, I will expand on the others during the course of the week.

When you do not take yourself seriously, others follow suit…

Your experiences are mostly a reflection of your own inner world – what you think, feel and hold true (believe).

People who do not take themselves seriously do not command serious respect from other people. This looks different to different people, so self-examination and analysis of your context is key.

Take a moment to think, as objectively and with brutal honesty as you can, of instances where you have not taken yourself seriously! For example, you may have done some of the following to yourself or others (knowingly or unknowingly):

• You have deep-seated beliefs about how women are treated (generally and/or in the workplace). These are the result of your socialization, observations, first-hand or secondary experiences – or more…
• You interrupt others in meetings
• You ‘patronize’ yourself or others (you always automatically offer to coordinate social events – where someone else could do this. Sure you may love doing it, if it sends the wrong message then perhaps reconsider)
• You are not a good listener (people don’t feel heard when they engage you)
• You are quick to dismiss others’ ideas without consideration
• You don’t appreciate opinions that differ from yours
• You are not genuine when asking for advice (you have already made up your mind when you ask others for advice)

What can you do?

1. Awareness is the first step. Take particular note of instances where you do not take yourself seriously – in thought or feeling or even actions. Stop! Challenge the thought/emotion or action! And do that which you would want others do to you. It literally starts with you giving yourself the very treatment you expect of others.
2. Desist from talking down on yourself and undermining yourself in the process. This includes your internal mental chatter/dialogue. Speak edifyingly to yourself – irrespective of the circumstances.
3. Treat your work and people seriously, with the respect and dignity they deserve (check your workspace…check your computer desktop…check the work you handover to others…how do you fare on deadlines…)
4. Stop turning everything into a joke, especially self-deprecating humour (other people may not know you well enough to know if you’re joking or actually think that way about yourself)
5. Establish and maintain clear boundaries – what is acceptable and what is not tolerable.

By making these small changes in your thinking and behavior, you can start to create a more positive and productive environment for yourself (and the people around you).

In the next article we will tackle other reasons you may be taken less seriously than your male colleagues:

• You do not take proper care of yourself (appearance creates perceptions; perceptions are reality to the observer)
• You use non-committal language, others never know what you mean
• You don’t keep good company (you are judged by the company you keep)
• Sometimes, it’s not you.